You Missed Your Kid's Events. And That's Okay

Plus: How to End the Shame Spiral

Author

Lakshmi Jayanthi
October 29, 2024

In partnership with

My first kid? I was there. Always, always there. Every single school play, baseball game, soccer match, class party - you name it. I juggled schedules, missed meals, and probably aged ten years trying to be everywhere at once. Why? Because I thought that's what every parent did. And I kept telling myself that not being there for every single thing meant I was failing as a parent.

Then came my second child, and reality hit: it's physically impossible to be in two places at once, and sometimes, you just can't make it to everything. And guess what? That's okay.

What Experts Say

Source: Giphy

The truth is, while being present at our children’s events matters, it’s not about perfect attendance. Child development experts agree that it’s the quality of our connection, not the quantity of appearances, that truly impacts our children’s well-being.

Experts say being present matters, as it helps in:

🫶🏽 Stronger bond: Showing up for important moments signifies your love and support, building a stronger connection with your child.

✅ Validation and self-esteem: Seeing their parent actively engaged in their activities can boost a child's confidence.

📷 Meaningful memories: Being present allows you to create lasting memories together.

What Can You Do?

So what can we do when we inevitably miss an event? Experts advise:

  1. Power of Honest Communication
    First, be honest with your kids. When you can't make it to an event, have an open conversation about why. Children understand more than we give them credit for, and honesty builds trust. Last month, when I had to miss my son's school play due to work commitments, I explained the situation, and we made a plan together to make it special anyway.

  1. Creating Special Moments (even when you’re not there)

    Create alternative ways to celebrate. Maybe it's a special breakfast before the event, a video call right before they go on stage, or a celebration dinner the next day. The key is to show them that even when you're not physically present, you're still fully invested in their moment.
    Technology can be your friend here. Ask another parent to record the event or take photos. Many schools now use apps to share moments with parents who can't attend. When you watch these together later, make it an event in itself. Pop some popcorn, sit together, and let them walk you through every moment.

  2. Building Your Village

    But here's what really makes the difference: building a support network. Remember that saying "it takes a village"? Every parent needs community support. Connect with other parents who can be there when you can't, and offer to do the same for them. This isn't just about having someone record the event - it's about ensuring your child sees a familiar, supportive face in the audience.

    Read: 11 Ways to Create Community as a Parent

  3. Daily Connections Matter Most

    What matters most is how we make our children feel supported and valued every day, not just during special events. That might mean starting a morning ritual that makes them feel special, having meaningful conversations during car rides, creating bedtime routines that allow for real connection, or showing genuine interest in their activities, even when we can't attend.

Ending the Shame Spiral

Source: Someecards

You're not failing as a parent by not being able to be your kid's permanent audience. Life happens, other kids happen, work happens, and not being there is an unavoidable consequence of all those things.

The reality of modern parenting is that we can't do it all, and that's perfectly fine. What we can do is be intentional about how we show up for our kids, whether we're physically present or not. Be realistic about your schedule, and don't overcommit yourself to events you know you might not be able to attend. Make time for your own self-care. Remember: "You can't pour from an empty cup."

If you're reading this and feeling guilty about missing an event, remember: your child needs a happy, balanced parent more than they need a permanently exhausted one who's running themselves ragged trying to be everywhere at once.

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Let's Support Each Other

💟 Let's support each other in this journey. How do you stay connected when you can't be there? Share your stories with me - I'd love to hear what works for your family.

Because sometimes the best parenting happens when we admit we can't do it all, and find creative ways to show our love instead.

💌 Forward this to another parent who needs to hear this message today. We're all in this together.