I realised something about the holidays this week that I think many parents feel but rarely talk about. When the holiday concerts, deadlines, cooking, cleaning and hosting all stack up at the same time, it is usually the moms who hold the entire month together, even when they are running on fumes.

Somewhere along the way, the holidays shift from something we want to enjoy to something we feel obligated to manage, and that is usually when the joy starts disappearing into overwhelm.

So today, I want to talk honestly about what is actually draining you and how to make space for a holiday that feels good for you too. Let’s get started! 

Checklists Anyone? 

Moment of truth, all of us got a checklist, don’t we? On the surface, the list is immaculate, like only the most important stuff like…

• Shopping for gifts

• Cooking or ordering food

• Decorating the house

• Coordinating school events and end of year concerts

• Showing up for neighborhood holiday parties

• Hosting family or deciding where to go

Underneath that, there is a second list that lives in your mind and in your body ⬇️ 

• Thinking about whether your kids will remember any of this

• Worrying that you are not doing enough, or not doing it the “right” way

• Comparing your home to what you see on social media

• Trying to keep everyone emotionally steady and happy at the same time

• Carrying the pressure to create “perfect memories” and not just “good enough moments”

The second list becomes something you stress about (quite a bit)

The problem starts when the stress moves into emotional imbalance, when you notice you are irritated at everything, snapping at small things, or feeling like you are constantly on the edge.

That is usually the moment you realise that the holidays have quietly become too much.

Social Media Doesn’t Help Either… 

You see families with matching pajamas, beautifully coordinated outfits, professional photos, the biggest Christmas trees, elaborate cookie trays, and homes that look like a holiday movie set.

Some of that is genuinely fun, and there is nothing wrong with enjoying it. You can get inspired by a clever idea, take adorable pictures and have something to look back on later.

The problem is when it stops being inspiration and begins to feel like a performance.

If your tween is rolling their eyes through the entire photo session, if everyone is tense, if you are rushing and raising your voice just to get a picture, then the experience is no longer about connection. It is about proof. Proof that you did it, proof that your family is “together,” proof that your holiday was “full."

At that point, it can help to pause and ask yourself quietly:

If the honest answer leans more toward “supposed to,” it might be an idea worth putting down, at least for this year, and replacing it with something simpler that you and your kids will actually enjoy in real time, not just in photos.

Social Media Can Create Unneeded Stress During The Holidays.  

Three Things That Actually Matter… 

If I had to reduce the whole season to just three priorities for busy parents, here is what I would suggest.

1. One meaningful activity together: Choose one thing that you will do together as a family, not ten. It can be baking cookies, decorating a corner of the house, a movie night with hot chocolate, or driving around to look at lights. Make it simple enough that you still have energy to enjoy it.

Let your kids have a say in what that activity is, especially if they are tweens or teens. When they are involved in the decision, they feel more ownership and less resistance.

2. Let your children take over more than you think they can: If your kids are older, they can bake cookies, choose a dessert, help with decorating, or even come up with the “tradition” for the year.

Try to embrace the mess as part of the process, and gently invite them to help with cleaning up, even if it is not perfect. 

3. Lower the bar so you can raise the joy level: There were years when I simply did not send holiday cards. The kids were very young, I was doing a million other things, and I told myself, “I am just not going to do it this year.” Nobody called to say they missed it.

Life went on, and I had one less thing to worry about. The relief I felt was very real, and it allowed me to be more present with my family.

Your Children Won’t Even Remember This 

One of my favorite examples is from a friend. Every Christmas Eve, their family has what they call “fast food night.” Each person in the family picks their favourite drive-through, they all drive together, collect everybody’s food and then eat in the car while driving around looking at lights.

It is very simple, and the kids absolutely love it, partly because they do not get fast food all the time and partly because it feels like their special thing. 

Nothing about that tradition is fancy, but the boys talk about it all year.

Sometimes, what we call a “tradition” is simply something that happened more than once while the kids were at a memorable age.

My own son once insisted that our “tradition” was having New Year’s Eve at our house, because during the pandemic we always stayed home, did a countdown together and put balloons up. For him, that was our thing. And honestly it’s just fun!

That's all for today's issue, parents! 💗

Inside the Laid-back Parent’s Internet History this week: 

🔖 READ: The Mental Load of the Holidays (And How to Share It)

🔖 READ: Why Holiday Traditions Don't Have to Be Complicated

🔖 READ:The Science of What Kids Actually Remember from Childhood

Note for My Fellow -Back Parents 📧

This year, I hope you give yourself permission to do less, so that you can be more present.

And I promise, your kids will remember the warmth, the laughter and the feeling of being together, long after they forget how many items you checked off the list.

Lakshmi 💛