Hi there,

Have you had that moment when your kid asks a question and your brain just goes blank?

Not because it’s a bad question, but because you genuinely have no idea what the answer is. Well, it happens to me a lot, and I think I’ve found a way around it.

Lately, my younger son will hear the news while I'm doing chores, and ask me a very specific question: "Mom, why is Russia doing blah blah blah?"

And I'm like... I don't know. I just don't, and sometimes I'm busy doing other things, and I don't have time to stop everything and go look this up for him.

When the kids were little, we all “improvised” the answers. I mean, they won’t remember the details anyway.

But as they grow, they’re listening differently. They absorb more. So I’ve gotten comfortable saying, “I don’t know,” instead of pretending. And that's okay.

How they react (and when to follow up)

What I've noticed is that if kids are genuinely curious, they’ll circle back or try to figure it out themselves. If it was just a passing thought, they move on.

The reaction is very different depending on the kid. Some kids are more pushy, others let it go.

For me, if it's a good topic, something that actually matters or seems important, I'll find time to look it up or talk it over with him. But if it's something with no relevance, then I just kind of ignore it. Not every question needs a deep dive

The uncomfortable questions (that they won't ask)

As kids get older, the questions change and sometimes disappear.

They have access to information now, so they’re not always coming to us first. But that doesn’t mean the questions stopped. It just means we have to create space where conversations feel natural.

And it’s different for boys and girls. Boys don't open up with emotion the way girls do.

I'm in a boy household. My boys will definitely go to their dad for certain things. But for day-to-day life, because I'm the primary person at home and I know everything about their schedules, they still come to me.

But I've heard from friends with daughters that girls go to their moms for everything. And that's when girl dads really start feeling disconnected from their daughters.

So you have to make an effort to keep that connection and create those moments for those conversations to happen.

How to actually have the hard conversations (without making it weird)

We don’t do the "let's sit down and talk about it" approach. It just doesn't work.

Kids don't want that, so here's what works for us: Talk to them while we're doing something else.

Just this morning, I dropped my older son off at school. It's a 10-minute drive.

We talked about a couple of things in the car which is easier to do than sitting him down formally. I've found that car rides, or while you're cooking, or while you're doing something else, are a lot easier for kids to handle than saying, "Let's talk."

There’s one really important piece to this though:

We parents tend to stack everything into one talk. All the advice, warnings, and reminders. It’s overwhelming. Focus on one thing, say what needs to be said, and leave room for the next conversation later

Note for My Fellow Laid-Back Parents

You don't have to know everything (or look up everything).

You don't have to have the perfect answer ready in every moment.

What kids remember isn’t whether you had the right answer, it’s whether you showed up honestly.

Be honest. Say “I don’t know” when you don’t know. Come back to important questions when you can. Let conversations happen during ordinary moments.

That’s where connection lives.

See you next week,
Lakshmi 💛