Hi there,

By now, you have probably seen the headlines about the Beckham family. The oldest son of David and Victoria Beckham has been publicly distancing himself from his family. There is a very messy family dynamic playing out in tabloids.

I’m curious, whose side do you believe? Is Victoria the overbearing mother who can't let go? Or is Brooklyn the son who chose his billionaire in-laws over his own family?

From where I’m seeing it, this is not really about Brooklyn and Victoria at all. It’s about something much closer to home.

It’s about how we respond when our kids fail.

The control parents don't realize they have

When you are in the middle of parenting, it’s easy to think you are just being a good parent.

You are making sure your kid does their homework. You’re encouraging them to practice their sport and guiding them towards the right choices.

But what feels like guidance to you may feel like control or pressure to them.

The Beckhams built a brand. A family empire. And I imagine there was a lot of pressure on Brooklyn to represent that well. To be a soccer star like his dad. To have a career like his mom. To not tarnish the family name.

That’s not unique to famous families. A lot of us, especially those of us from immigrant families or high-achieving backgrounds, carry some version of this.

We want our kids to reflect well on us and to succeed. But there’s a line. And when you cross it, you stop being a safe place and start being someone they need distance from.

Future-proofing your relationship now

Recently, my older son found out he did not get the lead role in the school musical. He had worked on it for three months and really wanted it. When he found out, he was devastated.

My first instinct as a parent was to fix it. But I didn't and honestly, I couldn’t.

Instead, I told him it’s okay to be upset and that he worked incredibly hard, and I am proud of that effort.

My husband wrote him a note late that night and put it in his backpack so he would find it at school the next day. Just a reminder that we are proud of him no matter what.

My son just turned 13.

If I email his teacher about casting decisions, I’m teaching him that he can’t handle his own problems. I would probably be setting a pattern where he learns that mom will always step in. (I found out that there were parents that emailed the teacher, so it does happen!). 

This is what many of us don’t realize. Every time we rescue our child from a small failure, we train them to panic at big ones.

So what do we do differently?

We let them fail. We let them feel disappointed.

Our kids are not defined by their accomplishments. My son is not less worthy of love because he did not get the lead role. But if we make them feel like our love is conditional on their success, they will either burn out trying to please us or eventually walk away.

The line between guidance and control

There is a line between being involved and being controlling. And it’s different for every kid and every age.

When your kid is 5, it’s fine to manage most of their life. When they are 13, it’s mortifying if you are still doing that. When they are 23, it’s a problem.

We have to actively think about the relationship we are building now so that when our kids are adults, they still see us as a safe place.

As a resource. As someone they want in their lives, not someone they need to escape from.

That means stepping back even when our instinct is to step in. It means letting them be and focusing on their effort and character, not just the outcomes.

It’s definitely a tough line to walk. I’m still figuring it out. But the Beckham drama is a reminder that the small moments matter.

How I respond to my son not getting a role today might shape whether he still calls me when he’s 28.

To all my fellow parents,

The Beckham drama is not just celebrity gossip.

It’s a preview of what can happen when the relationship we build in childhood does not survive into adulthood.

Your 8-year-old will be 28 eventually. The patterns you set now, how you respond when they fail, how much control you exert, how conditional your love feels will shape whether they still want you in their lives later.

We still have time to make sure our small moments add up to something different.

See you next week,
Lakshmi 💛