Hi there,

It’s summer in our house, which means the kids are home more often, and the questions don’t stop.

“Can I get this?”
“Can we buy that?”
“Can I have just one more?”

Some days, I say no before they even finish asking. Not because I’ve thought it through, but because it’s just faster. Less back-and-forth. 

But lately I’ve been thinking about what that teaches them, and what it teaches me. 

So in this issue, I want to share something simple you can try with your kids. Especially helpful if you’ve got a tween who’s starting to push back, or one who struggles to make up their mind.

Let’s get started ⬇️

The Decision Matrix 

Here’s the idea: You draw a 2x2 grid with your child. You ask two questions:

1. Does this feel good now?
   

2. Will it cause problems later?

Then you walk through the options. Together. 

Help them pause, weigh the tradeoffs, and learn how to own their choices. 

We tried this the other day with snack decisions. One of mine will eat anything crunchy and salty before dinner, then barely touch the actual meal.  

Walking through the matrix helped him see the short-term win versus the long-term regret. It didn’t stop the behavior overnight, but it changed the conversation. That’s a start. 

Decision matrix template! Get yours here.  

What We’re Teaching Without Realizing

This summer, my older son decided, on his own, to become a volunteer camp counselor. He’s waking up earlier than he does for school. He’s showing up on time. And he’s the only one his age doing it. That was his decision. Not mine. And it’s been a proud parenting moment. 

But there are other moments. The ones where I step in too quickly. Like picking out clothes just to speed up the morning routine. I know it would be better for them to choose, even if it takes longer. Because they need practice making low-stakes choices now, so they’re ready for the high-stakes ones later. 

And then there’s the buying decisions. I say no out of habit. Then I think about it later. Did I need to say no? Was there a better way to handle it?  

I think we all want to raise kids who don’t need us in the room to make good choices. But that takes more than rules. It takes practice. 

The Goal Isn’t Perfection 

My younger son takes forever to make a decision. His birthday is coming up and he’s been circling around five different gift ideas for weeks. He keeps re-evaluating, afraid to pick the wrong thing. I see it, and I recognize it, because I’ve done the same. 

So part of my hope is that this matrix helps kids build confidence, learn to make a choice, and reflect on it. 

And when they’re older, away from us, I hope they hear a calm voice in their head saying: You know how to think this through. 

Inside the Laid-back Parent’s Internet History this week: 

Note for My Fellow Laid-Back Parents 📧 

Growing up, my parents let me make decisions. I picked outfits, games, and who I played with. But when it came to big choices, they still led. I remember my dad letting us help choose the family van. We loved it. He hated it. We were thrilled. He regretted it. And he reminded me of that recently when my husband and I were car shopping.

So yes, let the kids weigh in. But also, teach them how to think things through. Because that’s what sticks.

See you next week 💛
Lakshmi