Hi there,

Every single day, one of my kids asks for something that sends my brain straight into “approve or deny” mode. Sometimes it’s a small, oddly specific item they spotted on YouTube. Other times it’s a bigger ask that would require a little negotiation, and maybe a dent in my wallet. 

Over time, I’ve realized my “yes” isn’t just about whether we can afford something or whether it’s convenient at the moment. It’s about what that yes teaches them.

That’s how the idea of my “Yes List” was born. And today, I’m breaking down exactly how it works, the filters I use, when a yes comes easily, and why this has become one of my favorite parenting tools. Let’s get into it.

The backdrop we’re all dealing with

We’re raising kids in an age where the baseline for “enough” keeps shifting. It’s no longer just about having what you need. Now it’s multiples, variations, the “next drop” of whatever’s hot. Social media accelerates trends to the point where your child can go from never having heard of something to urgently “needing” it in under 24 hours.

Girls collecting Labubus plush toys like trophies. Boys obsessed with Air Up water bottles because they’ve seen them in a YouTube video. Stanley Cups in every pastel shade lined up like a status symbol. My kids have their versions, too.

The danger isn’t just overspending. It’s teaching them, without meaning to, that every whim deserves instant satisfaction.

The world wants your kids to buy stuff. Here’s how to help them be less materialistic. 

My rule before saying yes

I don’t do instant yeses for non-essentials. My kids know the drill: they have to give me three reasons why they should have it. Not “I like it.” Not “everyone has one.” Actual reasons they’ve thought through themselves. 

And here’s the nuance, I’m not just filtering their requests. I’m hoping to teach them how to self-filter. If they can’t find three solid reasons beyond social proof, it’s not worth our money or space. But if they can show it’s useful, sparks their creativity, or supports a real hobby, then I’m listening. 

Over time, I’ve noticed their reasons getting sharper. They’re learning that “want” and “need” are not the same, and that a well-argued case stands a better chance than an emotional plea.

When a yes comes easily

Some things almost always pass my filters. Books are a yes, unless we already own the title. Art supplies often make it through because they’re tools for making, not just consuming. 

Sports gear is more complicated. If it’s replacing something genuinely worn out, sure. But if it’s a shiny new model to replace something perfectly good, we talk. 

One example stands out. My younger son was competing in the state tennis championships. In one match, an opponent cheated. He lost his temper and slammed his racket hard enough to bend it. Still usable, but not ideal.

My husband and I agreed, no new racket until he could show better emotional control. That was a real-world lesson that performance gear is earned through skill and discipline, not just bought on demand. 

The big purchases filter

When it’s something expensive, my yes comes with a higher bar. I’ve seen too many big-ticket items become dust collectors after the first month. The 3D printer was a prime example. 

Before agreeing, I asked the boys to prove this wouldn’t be another passing phase. They responded with a full Canva presentation, slides outlining what they’d make, how they’d share it, and where it would live in the house. They even addressed the “still using it in six months” question.

We bought it. Months later, they still use it, most recently to make a fidget-friendly pencil holder for the new school year. And honestly, the printer wasn’t even the biggest win. Learning how to pitch an idea, plan for it, and answer objections? That’s a skill set that will outlast any gadget.   

The 30-Day Rule to Control Impulse Purchases.  

Saying yes for small joys 

Not every yes has to be deeply strategic. Sometimes, it’s about letting them enjoy being kids.

If we’re at the grocery store and they ask for Mr. Beast chocolate, I might say yes, even though it’s overpriced for what it is. That yes depends on the day’s behavior. If they’ve been respectful and easy to be around, fine. If they’ve been pushing every boundary, not so much.

These yeses aren’t about the chocolate. They’re about reinforcing that small rewards feel better when they’re tied to how you’ve shown up that day.

That’s all for today’s issue, parents! 💗 

Inside the Laid-back Parent’s Internet History this week: 

Note for My Fellow -Back Parents 📧

The Yes List keeps me from defaulting to yes out of guilt or convenience. It makes sure my yeses are meaningful, that they’re tied to effort, creativity, or genuine interest. 

For my kids, it’s a slow drip of lessons, how to make a case for what you want, how to separate wants from needs, how to see beyond the hype. For me, it’s a way to stay aligned with my values while still giving them space to be kids.

A yes means more when it’s earned. And in our house, those yeses are the ones that last.

See you next week,
Lakshmi 💛