Hi there,

Happy New Year!

I know we're already two weeks in, but let's be honest, the new year doesn't really start until the kids go back to school.

The holidays were beautiful chaos. Now it's time to get intentional. If you're just now getting around to thinking about resolutions and goals, same.

And today we're talking resolutions, realistic goal-setting with kids, and what I'm saying yes (and no) to this year. Ready? Let's go.

Are We Doing Resolutions?

I asked my kids about their resolutions recently, just casually, while we were driving. My younger son, who's 10, rattled off a list of movies he wanted to watch this year. That was his understanding of resolutions. When I explained he needed to think about things he wanted to work on, he really struggled. Developmentally, he's just not there yet.                  

My older son said he wants to book his breakout role on a TV show or movie. He's an actor, so it makes sense. But here's the problem: that's not something he can control. He can control how hard he works, the training he does, the effort he puts in, but he can't control whether a studio chooses him.

So I told him, you have to pick goals that are within your control.

But here's the hard part as a parent, I don't want to suck the dream out of him. I want him to have that optimism, to believe anything is achievable. As an adult, I know how hard it is to get a breakout role, but I don't want him to feel like it's not possible. It's a difficult line to walk.   

Goal Setting with Kids 

When it comes to goal-setting with children, the key is making it concrete, age-appropriate, and actually achievable. A five-year-old saying "I want to be a better person" means absolutely nothing to them. But "I want to learn to tie my shoes by myself"? That's something they can visualize and work toward.

Here's what I've learned works:

• For younger kids (ages 4-7): Keep goals simple and short-term. Think weeks, not months. "I want to learn to write my name in better handwriting" or "I want to try three new foods this month." These are tangible wins they can see quickly.  
  

• For middle kids (ages 8-11): They can handle slightly longer timelines and more abstract ideas. "I want to read 20 books this year" or "I want to get better at math." Help them break these down into smaller steps so they don't get overwhelmed.
  

• For tweens and teens (ages 12+): Let them lead. They're old enough to identify what matters to them … whether it's improving their free-throw percentage, learning an instrument, or building confidence in social situations. Your job is to ask good questions and offer support, not to micromanage. 

The biggest mistake I see (and have made myself) is setting goals for them instead of with them. We know what we want them to work on, organization, screen time, attitude, but if it's not something they buy into, it won't stick. 

Questions to Ask Your Children to Help Them Identify Their Goals

Sometimes kids need a little help figuring out what they even want to work on. That's where thoughtful questions come in. Here are some conversation starters I've used:

Reflection questions:

• "What's something you felt really proud of last year?"

• "What was hard for you last year that you'd like to get better at?"

• "What's something you wish you had more time for?"

Future-focused questions:

• "If you could learn one new thing this year, what would it be?"

• "What's something you've been wanting to try but haven't yet?"

• "What would make this year feel really great for you?"

Interest-based questions:

• "What do you love doing so much that you lose track of time?"

• "Who's someone you admire? What do they do that's cool?"

• "If you could be really good at one thing by the end of the year, what would it be?"

The trick is to ask these questions casually, maybe during a car ride or while cooking dinner together, not in a formal sit-down "goal-setting meeting." Kids open up more when it doesn't feel like an interrogation.

And listen closely. Sometimes the answer to "What do you want to work on?" reveals something deeper about what they're struggling with or what they're excited about.

My Ins and Outs for 2026

Instead of resolutions, I'm doing "Ins and Outs" this year, things I'm intentionally bringing into my parenting and things I'm (trying to) leave behind.

IN:

✅ Letting the kids struggle (and telling them to "figure it out")

I've spent too much time swooping in to solve every problem. This year, I'm giving them space to work through challenges on their own, even when it's uncomfortable to watch.

✅ Car conversations >>> lectures

Some of the best talks I've had with my kids have happened in the car. No eye contact, no pressure, just conversation. I'm leaning into that more.

✅ Disguising life skills as "helping the family"

Teaching them to cook, do laundry, and manage their schedules doesn't have to be a chore, it's about contributing to the household. Reframing it this way makes them feel needed, not nagged.

✅ When it comes to sports, asking "Did you have fun?" before "Did you win?"

I’ve seen so many parents focus on the core or the win first. This year, let's shift our focus to their experience, not just the outcome. 

OUT:

❌ Over-scheduling

We've been running ourselves ragged. Fewer activities, more downtime. Everyone will survive.

❌ Yelling "PUT THE SCREEN DOWN" on repeat

Okay, I'm still doing this one, but we’re actively working on this to find the befitting long term solution.

❌ Keeping up with their slang

No more trying to decode "6-7" or whatever the kids are saying these days. I've accepted that I'll never be cool, and that's fine.

❌ For sports, giving kids play-by-play instruction/commentary

They don't need me coaching from the sidelines. They have a coach. My job is to watch, cheer, and let them play.

Reply with your Ins & Outs, let’s see what you’re keeping and letting go of.

Let's Make This Year Count

We're not going to nail every goal. Some resolutions will fall off by February. The kids will lose interest in things they swore they cared about. That's just how it goes.

But what matters is that we're trying. That we're creating space for growth, for them and for us.

So here's to fresh starts, meaningful conversations, and a whole lot of grace along the way.

See you next week,
Lakshmi 💛