Hi there,

Being a parent is a constant humbling experience. There's no perfect handbook to follow, and even then, you learn more about yourself and your kids every day.

Recently, I was talking with other parents, and the conversation shifted to grades. My friend turned to me: "What did your son get on his test?" I paused because I didn’t know. I barely even knew he had a test!

I don't track my kids' grades. They're doing fine, so I don't see the need to add pressure or one more thing on my mental load.

But that conversation made me think: even as someone who's pretty relaxed about parenting, there are things other parents do that I just feel odd.

So I made a list of parenting practices that I disagree with and rated each one from 1 to 10. I'd love for you to do the same.

Quick question before we dive in:

Things Parents Do That I Just Don't Get

1. Tracking Every Single Grade and Assignment

My rating: 2/10

As I mentioned, I actually don't know what grades my kids are getting right now. For me, constant tracking just creates anxiety for everyone. It puts too much pressure on the grade instead of the learning. 

This is different from evaluating their grades at the end of the school year. You gotta know just enough to keep them accountable! Balance. 

2. Posting Everything About Your Kid on Social Media

My rating: 1/10

I see parents posting everything. Social media now isn't what it was five years ago. Images can be manipulated with AI. Things you think are cute today could be deeply embarrassing for your kid when they're older.

I'm more careful now about what I share and what stays private.

3. Doing Their Homework For Them

My rating: 0/10

I admit I don’t know anyone personally who actually does this, but I’ve heard some tales from teachers. Teachers know when parents are involved. Plus you're teaching them they can't do hard things on their own.

Helping too much is trickier … sometimes, you're just trying to help them get through it. But struggle is part of learning.

4. Getting Overly Involved in Their School Choices

My rating: 2/10

Some parents are so involved in every little thing. The electives, encouraging summer school classes, and more. I let my kids lead. My older son picked his own classes this year. He might have made the wrong choice. But he’ll figure it out.

5. Criticism In Public

My rating: 1/10

I've seen parents constantly cheering or worse, yelling at their kids during games. Not encouragement, criticism.

"You weren't looking!" "Why didn't you catch that?" "Pay attention!"

When these kids are 9 or 10 years old, it’s unnecessary. Parents genuinely think they're giving helpful feedback, but what they're actually doing is embarrassing their kid in front of everyone.

6. Forcing Apologies When They're Not Sorry

My rating: 7/10

I actually do this sometimes. But here's how: I don't just say "say sorry." I say, "Say sorry, and for what?"

So they have to repeat why they're sorry. Even if they're not feeling it yet, saying it out loud makes them start thinking about it. Then we talk about it later. I think it builds the habit of apologizing without forcing it in a way that makes them resentful.

7. Pushing Them Into a Career Path

My rating: 5/10

We're not thinking about careers yet; we're thinking about interests. But I see parents pushing kids into things they're not interested in, usually to fulfill their own unfulfilled dream. You see it a lot in sports.

I don't have a problem with introducing your kids to things they may not initially be interested in. Sometimes kids don't know what they like until they try it, but if there’s absolutely no interest, stop. 

8. Meddling in Their Friendships

My rating: 4/10

This one's situational. There are genuinely times when kids make friends with the wrong kids. Friendships shape who they are, especially in middle school.

I personally don't meddle. But if they're not staying away from a genuinely harmful group, and it's affecting them? Then you need to step in.

Now It's Your Turn

I just rated 8 common parenting practices. Some got a 0, and some landed in the middle. But I want you to go back through that list and think about where you'd land on each one. 

There's no right answer. But I think it's worth asking yourself: What parenting practices do you actually believe in, and which ones are you doing because everyone else is?

Note for My Fellow Laid-Back Parents

I might be judging some of these practices pretty harshly. But most parents aren't doing these things because they're bad parents. They're doing them because they care and are worried. I get it.

But I think sometimes we care so much that we do too much. We get involved in things our kids need to figure out for themselves.

Stepping back, even when it feels scary, is sometimes the best thing we can do.

Not because we don't care. But because we trust them to handle it.

See you next week,
Lakshmi 💛

P.S., What parenting practice did I miss? Reply to this email, and I might feature your answer (with permission) in next week's newsletter.