Should You Let Your Child Quit a Sport?

A parent’s guide to spotting burnout, misalignment, and knowing when it’s time to move on

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Hi there,

Every parent dreads this moment: your child looks at you and says, “I don’t want to play anymore.”

Before you say, “Don’t give up,” it’s worth asking why. Is it the sport, the coach, the team, or something deeper? And how much of our own disappointment is part of the equation?

This week, we’ll unpack how to handle those moments and keep sports a positive experience for your child. Let’s get started. 

Storytime…

When my older son was about five or six, we signed him up for soccer. He’s a creative, artsy kid who enjoys playing but doesn’t live for competition. That season, his coach was intense, every drill had to be perfect, every mistake pointed out.

By the third week, he was done. We made him finish the season because he’d committed, but once it ended, we didn’t push him back into it.

It was the first time I realized how quitting a sport isn’t just about the child. It’s also about the parent’s emotions, the disappointment, the loss of routine, and sometimes the quiet sting to our ego.

Let Your Kid Quit The Soccer Team, Sometimes. 

The Different Ways Kids Connect to Sports

Not every child plays sports for the same reason. Some love the competition. They thrive on pushing themselves, on chasing the win.

Others are in it for the joy: the snacks, the friendships, the sideline cheering.

Up until around age 10 or 11, most kids fall into that “fun first” category. After that, you start to see the split,  the kids who want to compete at higher levels drift into more serious teams, and those who play casually often peel off.

And that’s okay. My son is “competitive” in acting. He’ll pour endless hours into rehearsals and scripts. But baseball? That’s not where his competitive fire lives.

Your child might be the same, fiercely driven in one arena, completely relaxed in another.

Boredom, Anxiety, or Just Not Their Thing?

When a child resists going to practice, the easy assumption is that they’re being lazy. But often, something deeper is at play.

If every practice is a battle, if they sit in the car refusing to get out, start asking questions:

  1. Who do you hang out with on the team?

  2. Have you made friends there?

  3. Who’s the nicest teammate?

These questions reveal a lot. No friends on the team? That could be social anxiety. Always last to be picked? That’s a confidence gap.

Sometimes, the fix is as simple as extra practice at home to build skills. Sometimes, it’s realizing that no amount of practice will make them want to stay.   

When to Say Yes to Your Kid Quitting the Team.  

Speaking Up for Your Child

In my son’s last baseball season, my husband had a quiet word with the coach. He explained that acting was my son’s main passion, so he couldn’t make every practice.

The coach was understanding, he even had a theater kid of his own we didn’t know about. That conversation made sure the pressure never came from the adults, which allowed my son to enjoy the season without dread.

Sometimes, advocating is just giving the coach the context they need.

How to Talk to Your Child’s Coach.  

What to Say Instead of “Don’t Give Up”

“Don’t give up” sounds motivational, but to a child who’s already dreading the sport, it can feel like a command to push through misery.

Instead, I tell parents to reframe it as, “You’re still finding your passion.”

Yes, I believe in honoring commitments. Finish the season if you can.

But beyond that, continuing without interest only leads to burnout. And sports should never become something they grow to hate.

The Coach Factor

It’s worth saying, sometimes the sport isn’t the problem. The coach is.

In the U.S., many youth coaches are volunteers, often parents, who know the sport but not how to work with kids. They’ll treat seven-year-olds like teenagers, and that pressure can be enough to make a child walk away entirely. 

It’s worth asking, would a different coach or team change everything?

Quitting Doesn’t Make Them “Soft”

I’ve heard it so many times: “If I let my kid quit, they’ll get soft.”

That’s not how it works. Kids’ interests change constantly. A break now doesn’t mean they’ll never return. Some leave for a year or two, then come back with fresh energy.

The real goal at this age isn’t toughness, it’s passion. Passion will carry them through the losses, the tough coaches, and the hard practices later.

Without it, the lessons we hope sports will teach never stick.

That’s all for today’s issue, parents! 💗

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Note for My Fellow -Back Parents 📧

A few years after that first soccer season, it happened again, this time with baseball. My son had played for years, but other kids were now practicing year-round. Baseball was their world, not his. Acting had become his priority. By the third game, he was ready to quit.

For my husband, who had coached baseball for years, this was harder than it was for our son. He loved the games, the community, the routine of it all. Letting it go felt like closing a chapter.

That season reminded me of something important, sometimes the hardest part isn’t our kids moving on. It’s us learning how to let them.

See you next week,
Lakshmi 💛