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Participation Trophies: Are They Making Kids Less Resilient and More Entitled?
Why giving every kid a trophy might be hurting their confidence, motivation, and future success
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Hi there!
None of us like seeing our kids sad, their confidence shaken, their excitement crushed. It’s hard to watch them lose, especially when they’ve worked so hard.
That’s why participation trophies became a thing—because no parent enjoys seeing their child disappointed. But here’s the truth: feeling disappointed isn’t a bad thing.
Losing stings, but it teaches kids something valuable: how to deal with setbacks. How to get better. And when we hand out trophies to everyone, we take away that lesson.
Hi I am Lakshmi, a mom of 2 competitive boys and I get it!
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What Happens When Everyone Gets a Trophy?
I’m talking about older kids here - let’s discuss ages 7-13. (For my take on younger kids, scroll below) When kids get the same reward whether they’ve worked for months or just showed up last minute, it creates three big problems:
Diluted Achievement – Kids are smart. They know the difference between earning something and being handed a prize for simply existing.
When they put in extra hours practicing, improving their skills, and pushing themselves, but then see someone who barely tried getting the same trophy, it sends the message that effort doesn’t matter.
Entitlement Issues – If kids grow up always receiving rewards no matter what, they start expecting them. Not because they earned it, but because they believe they deserve it.
That mindset doesn’t just stay in childhood, it follows them into adulthood. Handing over trophies creates false sense of accomplishment, READ this article to know how!
Lack of Motivation – Two kids join a soccer league. One trains every day, puts in the work. The other barely shows up to practice and doesn’t really try.
At the end of the season, both get the same trophy.
What does that teach them? The hardworking kid wonders why they even bothered, and the other kid learns they don’t have to try to be rewarded.
The goal isn’t to make kids feel bad. But to teach them that effort and improvement matter more than just being there.
The 3-Step Fix: Teaching Kids to Handle Failure
Normalize It: Tell your kids stories of when you lost. Let them know even successful people have faced failure.
Example: "Michael Jordan didn’t make his high school basketball team. Oprah was fired from her first job. Failure is just part of the journey."
Encourage Reflection, Not Just Emotion: Instead of saying, "That’s not fair!" try asking, "What do you think you could do differently next time?"
Example: "You didn’t win today, but what’s one thing you improved in this game?"
Model Resilience: Kids learn by watching. If they see you handling failure with grace, they’ll do the same.
Example: If you miss a work opportunity, say: "That didn’t work out, but I learned something for next time."
The goal is to make failure less scary, and improvement the real focus.
But What About Younger Kids?
I’m not saying a 4-year-old should experience the crushing weight of defeat. At younger ages, our only goal should be that kids are having fun and want to keep playing. But how we recognize them matters.
Instead of ‘Everyone’s a Winner’ Trophies, Try This:
Personalized Recognition: “Hey, you really improved your backhand this season.”
Skill-Based Awards: Give awards for things like teamwork, improvement, or sportsmanship.
Growth-Focused Rewards: A kid who couldn’t hit the ball at the start but now can? That’s worth celebrating, whether they were the best on the team or not.
This way, kids feel seen and motivated, without thinking that winning doesn’t matter.
Why Do Parents Struggle With This?
Let’s be real: it’s tough to watch your kid lose. You see them disappointed, frustrated, maybe even crying. Your first instinct? Fix it.
But here’s the thing, as parents YOU need to take a step back and let them deal with their feelings too.
When my younger son lost his tennis matches (he was 6) he used to cry, throw the racket, walk off in silence, but today at 9, he knows how to handle failure better.
And I supported him by being there for him and helping him recognize his improvements in techniques, serves, etc.
Remember, in the process of consoling them, you don’t want to overprotect them or make them entitled!
That’s all for today’s issue, parents! 🩷
See you next week, with another interesting topic. But first, check this out 👀⬇️
Inside the Laid-back Parent’s Internet History this week:
Note for My Fellow Laid-Back Parents 📧
I know we all just want the best for our kids, to see them happy, confident, and proud of themselves. But here’s the thing: real confidence doesn’t come from a trophy for showing up.
It comes from effort, growth, and learning to bounce back after a loss.
And if we let our kids face small disappointments now, they’ll be ready for life’s bigger challenges later. Let’s raise kids who don’t just expect rewards, but earn them. 💪
Catch you next time,
Lakshmi (Chief of Chill Parenting)
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