Hi there,

Earlier this week, I mentioned to my younger one that his dad was traveling for work and his older brother would be out all day at musical rehearsal.

So it's just gonna be him and me this weekend, and he goes, "Yeah!" he was actually excited about it, and I realized I’m only going to have this for a little while longer. So I should take advantage.

Usually, weekends are running around for activities, organizing the house and catching up, but this time I made it a mother-son day. Some days, parenting feels scattered. My two boys are completely different, and parenting them means I have to actively make sure that our attention is divided and balanced.

If you have two kids with totally different personalities, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about.

One Kid Is Easy. One Kid Is... Everything 

My younger son, Millan, is 10. We call him "Chillin' Millin'."

He's literally an easy kid since he was born. Takes care of himself. He comes home from school, makes his own snacks, does his own thing, and doesn't make a big deal out of things.

If his older brother picks on him, he just lets it go. Gets frustrated for a second, then moves on. He’s pretty good at sports so the only time we've had issues is when he loses a game or doesn't perform as well as he hoped. But day-to-day? He's just chill.

My older son, on the other hand, is high-energy, talkative, outgoing, and extremely creative. We have to constantly remind him to do basic stuff like brushing his teeth, picking up his clothes, etc.

At dinner, he will go on and on about everything that happened during the day. The rest of us are quiet. We rarely hear about what Millan’s day is like. We have to stop him and be like, "Okay. Now let's ask your brother, how are you? What happened today?"

They're completely opposite, and parenting two different personalities is no easy feat.

The Easy One Gets Less Attention (And We Don't Even Realize It)

A few years ago, I caught myself praising my older son for doing basic things, things my younger son was already doing without being asked. Then I realized, I don't really praise the younger one for doing it because he's always done it. 

You know what I mean? The loud kid gets all the attention. The kid who's chill just... doesn't need it. Or at least, that's what it feels like.

But they do need it. As a parent, we need to be conscious about making sure both children get equal attention, even if they’re not demanding it.

It’s a little amplified in our house because my older son is an actor. When people hear that, they get really excited, especially when they find out he was in a Marvel movie.

They'll come up to him and be like, "Oh my gosh, you were in this movie! Tell me about it!", and my younger son is standing right there.

3 years back, I would start pointing out the younger ones' achievements too, but then I realized, he actually doesn't even care. He's proud of his brother and not bothered by the attention his brother gets.

It's just one of those interesting personality traits.

I Parent Them Completely Differently

When they were younger, I definitely felt guilty. We are focusing on the older one while the younger one's just kind of going through the motions.

My older son needed help with studying, so we got him a tutor.

When my younger son got to that age, I just assumed he'd need the same thing. So I signed him up for tutoring too, but he didn't need it. I was assuming he needed the same thing as his older brother. You kind of assume some of this, right?

I've learned there's a balance, and there are seasons.

There's a season that's really busy for my older son, and not so much for my younger one. But then there's a season where the younger ones are really busy, and the older ones are doing nothing.

Just this week, my older one is in the school musical. He's at school until 8 pm every day, rehearsing. My younger one has nothing; he's just hanging out, coming home by 2:30, seeing friends, playing.

But two weeks ago? The younger one was in baseball playoffs and playing season ending tennis matches. He was doing a million things. The older one was more free.

It goes through waves and so does the attention for each kid. 

What to Do When You Have Two Completely Different Kids

If you're parenting different personalities, here's what will help:

1. Accept that you will parent them differently.
What works for one won't work for the other. Don’t try to apply the same rules, consequences, or approach to both. It's okay to adjust.

2. The easy one still needs attention.
Just because they're not demanding it doesn't mean they don't deserve it. Make a point to highlight their wins, ask about their day, and give them one-on-one time.

3. Recognize the seasons.
In some seasons, all your energy will go to one kid. In other seasons, it will shift. That's normal. Stop feeling guilty about the imbalance in any given week.

4. Actively carve out time.
It won't just happen. You have to be intentional. Even 20-30 minutes of focused time matters more than you think.

5. Stop comparing them to each other.
They're different people. Stop expecting the second kid to need what the first kid needed. Pay attention to what each one actually needs.

6. Let go of the guilt.
You're not failing. You're parenting two different people. It's supposed to look different.

Note for My Fellow Laid-Back Parents

If you're reading this and thinking, "I spend so much more time on one kid than the other," I want you to know, you're not failing.

Different kids need different things. Sometimes, one kid genuinely needs more from you than the other, but that doesn't mean you love one more. It just means you're responding to their needs.

The easy kid will be okay. But make sure they know they're seen. Make sure they get your attention, too, even if they're not demanding it.

See you next week,
Lakshmi 💛

📺 LAKSHMI WATCHES THIS WEEK:

Three things I watched this week when I needed a few minutes to myself: 

🎬 Movie Trailers I came across: Check out

📱 Random Hilarious Video: Check out

👨‍👩‍👧 Parenting Moment That Hit: Check out