Hi,

My 13-year-old keeps asking for a phone. Most of his friends have one, and a lot of the girls his age are already on TikTok. But him? He has an Apple Watch.

We're trying to keep it that way for at least one more year.

I've seen what happens when kids get phones too early. The research on social media and teen mental health is terrifying enough that the decision became pretty clear.

So let me walk you through why we're waiting, what we're doing instead, and when we'll probably cave.

ONCE YOU GIVE IT, YOU CAN'T TAKE IT BACK

Once you give your kid a phone with social media access, it's too late. You can't take it back.

Sure, you can try. You can take the phone away as punishment. You can set screen time limits. But the damage is done. They've felt the dopamine hit of notifications and seen what their friends are posting and trying to reverse that is nearly impossible.

So we're in this weird position where delaying feels like the only real leverage we have. 

WHY WE'RE SAYING NO (FOR NOW)

There are two main reasons we haven't given our son a phone yet:

1. He has an addictive personality.

I'm not saying this to be dramatic. I mean it literally. When it comes to screens like YouTube, games, he can't stop. He just keeps watching and watching.

Sometimes when we're at his younger brother's baseball game and he's bored, I'll hand him my phone to keep him busy. But then? He can't get off it. 

If he had his own phone that he could access anytime, anywhere? It would be multiplied. He'd literally never put it down.

2. The data on social media and teen mental health is overwhelming.

Study after study shows that kids who get on social media at younger ages have significantly higher rates of anxiety and depression.

Does that mean every kid with Instagram is going to end up anxious? No. But the chances are so much higher and if it's not needed right now, why take that risk?

Though, I need to be honest here, we got lucky with our kid.

He's not throwing daily fits about not having a phone. He's been pretty reasonable about the whole thing.

I think part of it is that he's smart enough to see it himself. His friends are addicted. He'll go somewhere and they're all on their phones, and he's not. He notices.

He also understands our reasoning. But I also know not every kid is going to be this understanding.
The fact that our school banned phones during the school day has helped a lot. Nobody's on their phone at school, so he doesn't feel left out during the day. It's only outside of school settings where it comes up.

WHAT WE'RE DOING INSTEAD

So if he doesn't have a phone, how does he stay connected with friends?

He has an Apple Watch.

He can text. He can be in group chats. He also uses a computer at home to chat with friends. He can call us if he needs to. But he can't scroll social media. He can't download apps. He can't disappear into YouTube for hours (at least when he’s not at home!).

It's the compromise that's working for us right now.

WHAT OTHER PARENTS ARE SAYING

A lot of parents are surprised we haven't given him a phone yet. But not in a judgmental way. More in a "Wait, you can do that?" way.

Some have told me they wish they'd waited too. My friends who have younger kids? They're watching what we're doing and saying, "Okay, maybe we can make it that long too."

I think there's a shift happening. Five years ago, kids my son's age were getting phones at 7 or 8. Now? It's less common. Schools are banning them. Parents are pushing back.

Maybe we're moving away from the era where every kid had a smartphone by middle school. Maybe delaying will become normal again.

I don't know. But I hope so.

Note for My Fellow Laid-Back Parents

Delaying phones doesn't make you a helicopter parent.

It doesn't mean you don't trust your kid or you're "too strict" or "out of touch."

It means you looked at the data, thought about your specific kid, and made a choice.

You can always give the phone later. But once you give it, you can't take it back.

So if you're on the fence, if you're feeling the pressure, if your kid is asking every week just know that waiting is okay. Saying "not yet" is okay.

You're not ruining their childhood. You're protecting it.

See you next week,
Lakshmi 💛

📺 LAKSHMI WATCHES THIS WEEK:

Three things I watched this week when I needed a few minutes to myself: 

🎬 Movie Trailer I Found Interesting:

📱 Random Video I found:

👨‍👩‍👧 Parenting Moment That Hit: