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Hi there,

Do you ever catch yourself saying something about your kid that sounds harmless, “He’s the smart one,” “She’s the quiet one,” until you realize they’ve started saying it too?

Yeah. That moment hits like a gut punch. 

Hi I’m Lakshmi, mom of two boys, both wildly different, both teaching me every day how easy it is to put them in a box.

Let’s talk about the labels we use, how they stick, and why they can crush a kid’s sense of who they are, before they even have a chance to figure it out themselves.

The “Smart Kid” Trap: Why I Stopped Saying It

For years, we called my younger son “effortlessly smart.” Gifted program in kindergarten, breezing through school, barely breaking a sweat.

It felt like a compliment, until I saw what it was doing.

He started believing the hype. And when something wasn’t easy? He gave up.

That’s when it hit me: Calling him “smart” wasn’t a compliment. 

It told him: You’re natural at this, no need to work hard. 

So when it actually was hard? He didn’t want to bother.

Lazy’, ‘messy’, ‘smart’: how labels affect a child’s personality development. READ here!  

When Our Labels Become Their Struggles

Parents give their kids anxiety.
Parents give their kids eating disorders.
Parents give their kids money problems.   

Not because we want to, but because of the way we talk about ourselves, in front of them, day after day.

If your daughter hears you say “I need to lose 10 pounds” every week, she starts thinking her body isn’t enough either.

If your son hears you say “I’m just bad with money” or  “I’m not good at this”, he starts thinking that’s normal.        

Your self-talk is their inner voice in the making.       

So when your kid says, “I can’t do math.” or “I’m shy”  

Stop and ask: Where did they learn that? Because chances are, they learned it from you. 

Impact of Parental Self-talk, Why Parents Should Look at the Way They Speak About Themselves! 

Shift I’m Making… 

Here’s what I’m working on, every day: 

When someone says “Your kid is so talented,” I make it a point to say, “He’s worked really hard for that.”

I remind my kids: It’s not about being “the best.” It’s about showing up, putting in the work, and learning how to keep going when it gets hard.

I bite my tongue before I say “He’s just shy”, and ask myself if that’s even true.

It’s not perfect. But it’s worth a try!  

The Phrases I’m Practicing (So They Don’t Carry My Baggage)

✔ “You showed up for yourself today.”

✔ “I’m proud of how hard you tried.”

✔ “How did that feel for you?”

✔ “What’s one thing you learned from this?”

✔ “Let’s talk about what you want to do next.” 

That’s all for today’s issue, parents! 💗

Inside the Laid-back Parent’s Internet History this week: 

Note for My Fellow Laid-Back Parents 📧 

We want to see our kids shine. We want to celebrate who they are. But we’ve got to be careful we’re not turning their light into a label.

You’re not raising “the shy one” or “the smart one.” You’re raising a human who’s still figuring it out.

Let’s give them the space, and the words, to do just that.

Until next time,
Lakshmi 💛