Hi there,

If you’re a kid of immigrants raising kids in America, you probably know this feeling, “Am I being too hard… or not hard enough?” 

I was born and raised in America to Indian parents, so trust me, I’ve lived this tug-of-war my whole life. One minute I’m channeling my parents: work harder, no excuses. The next, I’m wondering if my kid will remember me as the mom who never let him just be a kid.

Hi, I’m Lakshmi, Indian-American mom of two boys, still figuring out where discipline ends and childhood begins.

Let’s talk about it ⬇️

Summer, Tennis, and the Ongoing Push-Pull of Parenting

The other day, my 9-year-old didn’t want to go to tennis practice.
He was tired. His older brother was home, lounging on the couch, making a home movie.

And honestly? I didn’t want to fight about it either.

But then I remembered, state championships are coming up. He’s good. Really good. But even at 9, talent only gets you so far without showing up to practice.

And this is where I live now, every week, in the in-between space a child of immigrants know too well.

Am I pushing too hard?
Does skipping one practice make me “laid-back”… or irresponsible?
Does letting him sleep ruin his shot at greatness… or protect his childhood?

It’s exhausting, this inner monologue. And I don’t think it’s going away anytime soon.

What I Inherited, What I’m Still Learning

I grew up in a house where sacrifice wasn’t talked about, it was just expected.

My dad came here in his twenties to build a future. My mom followed after an arranged marriage. Together, they raised three kids in America on a simple formula: work hard, save money, become something respectable. Preferably a doctor or an engineer.

Money was for security, not splurging. That part stuck.

But my dad believed in letting kids play. Maybe that’s why I don’t buy into the idea that childhood should be all pressure and performance.  

Success was expected, not celebrated. 

Now, I’ve built my own version of what matters. We spend on experiences, save where it makes sense, and talk about ambition, but also about fulfillment. 

I don’t measure success by titles. But I do believe in showing up, following through, and trying, even when it’s hard.

Gentle Parenting, Tiger Moms, or Something In‑Between

There are days when I wonder if this constant negotiation is our “immigrant-parent legacy” passed down:    

American moms say “gentle parenting” is the answer.
Immigrant moms hold firm to structure.
And somewhere, I’m somewhere in the middle.

With news of AI, changing job markets, I’m not sure if pushing for the “traditional success” path still makes sense.

Are we teaching resilience, or forcing anxiety? Is this the ambition I dreamed of…or the one that owns us?

Strict Parenting vs. Gentle Parenting, Which is Better? 

The Push‑Back Is Inevitable (So Choose Your Battles)

One thing I’ve learned: kids will push back. Always. No parenting style protects you from that.

So now, I pick my battles.

During the school year, I hold the line, homework, schedules, commitments. They need to learn how to show up, even when they don’t want to. 

But in the summer? I let it go a little. More movement, less memorizing. More space to just be kids.

I want them to understand accountability, but not mistake it for burnout.

That’s all for today’s issue, parents! 💗

Inside the Laid-back Parent’s Internet History this week: 

Note for My Fellow Laid-Back Parents 📧

Some days, I wonder if I’m raising my kids… or if they’re slowly raising me.

Because here’s the truth: parenting isn’t a science, it’s just a series of tiny decisions you make on too little sleep, hoping that, one day, it all adds up to something good.

And whether it’s pushing them out the door or letting them stay home in their pajamas… we’re all just trying to get it right, one messy, imperfect day at a time.

See you next week,
Lakshmi 💛