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Experts Advise Let Kids Manage Their Friendships

Experts Advise Let Kids Manage Their Friendships

Lakshmi Jayanthi
October 15, 2024

Being the founder of Pickup Sports, I have the opportunity to meet parents, and one question that comes up frequently is, "My kid doesn't have many friends." This concern resonates with me, both as a parent and as someone deeply involved in children's activities. It's a worry that many of us share, and it turns out, we're not alone in this.

A recent national poll from C.S. Mott Children's Hospital reveals that nearly 1 in 5 parents believe their child has no friends or not enough friends. But before you start planning play dates left and right or signing up for every after-school activity, let's explore what experts are saying about our role in our children's friendships.

🤝 The Friendship Landscape: What Parents Are Seeing

Source: C.S.Mott Children’s Hospital

The Mott Poll found that:

90% of parents say their child would like to make new friends
52% report at least one factor making it difficult for their child to make friends

Common challenges for elementary-age kids include:

Being shy or socially awkward (21%)
Lack of time to play (18%)
Too few places to get together (14%)
Other kids already have friend groups (13%)

❔ What Parents Are Doing

Many parents are taking action:

🛝 45% arrange playdates or outings
🎨 40% enroll their child in activities to meet kids with similar interests
💬 33% give advice on how to make friends
👥 30% try to befriend other parents

🤏🏽 The Expert Take: Less Is More

Source: Giphy

Michelle Icard, who speaks at schools about adolescent social changes, suggests that when it comes to friendships, parents "should be seen and not heard." Her recommendation for K-4 students? Only intervene in playdate or friendship issues when safety is a concern.

"Parents can do a lot to facilitate and create opportunities, but they can't make friendships for their kids," Icard explains. "Too much direct intervention doesn't help."

🤹🏽 Finding the Right Balance: Tips for Parents

Before we dive into these tips, it's crucial to remember that every child is different, and what works for one family may not work for another. Parents should always do what works best for their unique family situations. The following suggestions are gathered from experts and are meant to provide general guidance, not hard-and-fast rules.

Create Opportunities, Not Friendships: Arrange playdates and enroll your child in activities, but let the friendships form naturally.
Teach, Don't Solve: Instead of jumping in to solve conflicts, use these moments to teach problem-solving skills.
Step Back: Allow your child to navigate social situations independently when possible.
Model Good Friendship Skills: Demonstrate healthy social interactions in your own relationships.

⚠️ A Note on Parental Concerns

Sarah Clark, co-director of the C.S. Mott Children's Hospital National Poll, raised an interesting point from their findings: 63% of parents think it's important that their child's friends come from similar families. This similarity was related to parenting style (81%), religious or political views (36%), parent level of education (12%), or family income (5%).

While it's natural to have these preferences, it's worth considering the benefits of diverse friendships. Exposure to different family backgrounds can broaden your child's perspectives and enhance their social skills. As parents, we might reflect on how our own preferences could impact our children's social opportunities.

We Want to Hear from You!

We value your input! Please take a moment to answer this quick poll about your approach to your child's friendships.