Hi there,

My mind is stuck on a thought about my kid’s future, and I know you must’ve thought about this too.

My older one is in seventh grade, and already I’m hearing conversations about college applications- what programs look good, and the classes they should take.

As a parent, you’ve probably felt this pressure too. Trying to do what we think good parents should. Give our kids opportunities, keep them engaged, and set them up for success.

But it worries me. Are we overdoing it?

When helping starts to feel heavy

When kids are little, signing them up for activities is usually about discovery.

You sign them up to figure out what they like. You want them engaged, moving, and learning. Also, we need them out of the house sometimes so they're not glued to a screen.

That's good parenting.

But as kids get older, the tone often shifts. Suddenly, we’re thinking about competitiveness, advanced programs, and how to keep up.

In many families, especially high-achieving immigrant families, this pressure can feel even stronger. We want our kids to have opportunities we didn’t have.

And that’s when pressure replaces curiosity.

The schedule check we all need sometimes

Let’s say your child loves music, so you get them a teacher. Then an ensemble or a summer intensive. Then you start looking into competitions.

Before you know it, they’re too busy for anything else. Over time, I’ve learned to watch for subtle signs of kids with ‘too much’ on their plate:

They're always tired. They've lost excitement about things they once loved. Every hour is structured. There's no room for boredom or play.

And honestly, sometimes the clearest signal is how stretched we feel.

If we’re constantly rushing from drop-off to pickup, juggling schedules, and feeling stretched thin, it’s worth stepping back. Here’s a simple test I use:

I see this often. Kids are coached into accelerated programs just to get in, and then spend years struggling to keep up. When a child is always catching up and feeling behind, confidence takes a hit.

At this age, confidence matters more than acceleration. Kids need to feel: “I can do this.” 

And finding that balance isn’t easy. I’m figuring it out right alongside you.

How we define success (for now)

In our house, success at this age is about the effort and joy, and less about the outcomes.

If my kid is working hard at something they care about and still comes home excited about it, that’s success to me.

As parents, our job is to raise confident, curious humans who remember their childhood as fun, not just busy. We have to stop future-proofing every moment of their childhood.

Note for My Fellow Laid-Back Parents

We’ve always known: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Somewhere along the way, we started believing play only counts if it’s structured, coached, and résumé-worthy.

But what they need is to find a few things they love, work hard at them because they want to, and have enough space left over to just be a kid.

If they grow up curious, confident, and not burned out, they'll be just fine.

And honestly? They'll be more interesting to colleges than the kid who did everything but loved nothing.

See you next week,

Lakshmi 💛